Hello!
So this post is not going to be like my usual ones, but I felt the need to share my opinion and this feels like the best outlet to do so, despite differing opinions that may occur.
So lately I've been noticing people saying things like, "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" and, "you can't rely on someone else to make you happy" and many more things just totally disregarding love in general. While there is some truth to some of these statements, there's also an opposing side that needs to be considered.
Before I get into my opinion on certain ways that people view love, relationships, significant others and such, I am going to tell my story.
For years now I have suffered from severe depression, anxiety, suicidal attempts/thoughts and self harm. When I met my first real boyfriend of COURSE I thought, hey he's going to cure my depression and make me happy and I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him. That was not the case. While I did use him for distraction from my own problems, the problems he had caused me were just an addition to my distraction. He cheated on me multiple times, he physically (and mentally) abused me, and he overall treated me like shit. So I figured maybe I'd never find anyone else, maybe he just wasn't the one, maybe I did something wrong. On top of all of my previous problems, he just added more and made me worse. Months later I met my next serious boyfriend. He was totally different from the first so I thought, maybe this one will work. By this time my depression was getting worse and worse, and more constant. Despite this boy telling me he'd be there for me no matter what whenever I needed him, he was no where to be found. He did not care about me at all. While dating him I had some very emotional, hurtful things happen to me that just made everything SO much worse. He wasn't there for me. None of my friends were there for me. No one was. The cuts started getting deeper, suicide attempts more serious, more hospitalizations, and no boyfriend or friends to help me. The neglect I felt from him added on more to my issues, making me REALLY feel like I'd never find anyone. When I finally ended it with him, I was reaching my end point. The cuts were very severe, suicide attempts closer and closer to becoming successful, and I was overall just dead inside. Everyone thought I was going to end up dead. Even my therapists. One specific therapist told me that I'd already been to the hospital many times, transferred to another hospital, been put in a school for mental health AND have been to therapy that there was basically nothing left to help me. Here comes the cliche part. That's when I met Ricky. When we first started talking there was an instant connection, and within nine days of our first conversation or interaction with each other we were dating. I didn't have much hope for it because of my previous relationships but I fell for him, really hard, so I decided to try. It didn't take long for my past to get out into the open and that's when things really changed. He did EVERYTHING in his power to make me happy. He made some serious sacrifices to make sure that I would be okay. He was there for me. Two months into our relationship I overdosed. He rushed me to the hospital and stayed there until my parents took him home. I was so out of it but I remember asking the doctors if I was going to live or not, and they said "I don't know". Right then my future life flashed before my eyes. I saw myself marrying Ricky and being happy. I never overdosed or attempted suicide again. He always tried, and still does, to make sure I'm happy. He goes out of his way for me every single day. This is why I believe in fate. I met him when I was so close to the end that I probably would have died. He saved me. I have never in my life felt a love this strong. He made me believe in true love, he made me a better person, I'm more comfortable in my own skin and he makes me feel good about myself. He taught me love.
So this is why I'm so passionate about this topic. Without Ricky there's a HIGH chance that I would be dead. So let's get to the controversies.
"There are plenty of other fish in the sea"
Okay, yeah. That's true and has always been true. There's over six billion people in the world. From my experience, the other two "fish" didn't do a damn thing for me. They were just a waste of time, energy and feelings. They were overall just damaging to my mental health. There needs to be a special connection for both people to be truly happy, and you won't find that with just anyone, so you might not want to lose what you have because there's other people.
"You can't love anyone until you learn to love yourself"
Bullshit. Total bullshit. I love Ricky more than I've ever loved anything BECAUSE he taught me how to love, myself included. He saved me from myself and if I waited to "love myself" first I'd be dead. Living life alone isn't worth it if you truly don't love yourself.
"You can't rely on someone else to make you happy"
While that is true, you also can't deny the feelings that someone gives you, and if you want to use that to turn to when you're upset then how is that a bad thing?
"He didn't save you, you saved yourself"
Again, bullshit. I was no where near saving myself until he gave me a reason to.
"Well that's still you doing it, not him"
Okay. Fair. But the point is he brought the light into my life that guided me.
"You're too young to know what love is" / "You're young, it won't last"
People feel things from the moment they're born. How can you say that just because of your age you're unable to feel one specific feeling? While I agree that saying you love your first boyfriend when you're 13 and it's been two weeks is not real love, it should not take away from the people who are young and IN love. I have heard so many stories of people who got together in highschool and stayed together for the rest of their lives. It very well could last. Stereotyping every high school relationship is wrong.
"If it's meant to be it will be"
This one I just threw in to add my opinion. I am a believer in fate as I previously stated however I also believe that to be in a successful relationship you have to work. If you get into a serious fight and just have the attitude of the quote then you're screwed. You CAN make it work even if the odds are against you.
Another thing I absolutely hate is when people give Lana Del Rey shit for writing songs about "needing" a man, or about all of her songs being about one.
Some people are born to love. It's not impacted by Disney movies or anything. We were born to find love and feel love. It's something we are severely passionate about. All my life I've been dreaming of finding the love of my life, falling in love and getting married. NOT because of Disney movies, because it's what I wanted.
I think all I'm trying to say is stop disregarding love. It has always been a powerful force that can change lives, and should be seen and spoken about that way.
I love Ricky so damn much. He gave me light, joy, happiness, he gave me and still gives me everything. I could NEVER ask for more. He came into my life at just the right time and has stayed with me through everything, no matter how hard it may have been. He loved me when I was my most unlovable, loved me despite my problems. When you have something like that, don't let it go, and don't take it for granted. It's a once in a lifetime feeling. Cherish every moment with that person.
Learn to let love into your life. It's worth it.
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